me and my sunflower

She looked at me a little coy, guilty of something,
I don’t know what she done.
So I laughed at her and kissed her round forehead
She asked me, ‘How are you, my pony?”
I said, “Free!”
Never felt more alive
Will you tell me a qissa, a story?
Tell me what the sun tells you everyday
And I will listen
“What would you like to hear?”
Tell me about time and form
About our physical embodiments
And about the eternity
I want to then know about desires and their strict boundries
And what about the word ‘deserve’
What does the sun tell you about all the planets?
What does she tell you of sound?
Of music?
Of unconditional love
Of me and you…
Tell me what the stars do when they don’t see the sun
Tell me what the bees whisper to your pollens
Tell me if the butterflies miss their cocoon
And what is to be said about the love a mother has for her baby
Even if she didn’t come from her?
And what about all the love I’ve given in other lifetimes, lifetime after lifetime…
And all the love I gave, and all that I received
My belly is now heavy with all this love
And my mind is neatly braided
All these conditions and prerequisites
Tell me,
Of the worlds I leave when I wake up and all those colours that dance with me when I sleep
What do you say of memory and forgetfulness
Of wonder and magic
Of skill and ability
And serendipity
My sunflower opened her eyes, full of wisdom and answers
She said, now I will tell you what the sun shouts and what the bees whisper
But first, you must untie your mind
Switch off the TV in the background and sit with crossed legs
Breathe as deep as you can
Impregnate your belly with air molecules
And don’t fight for your inheritance
You will get what you deserve anyway, so what use is desire?
When you deserve unconditional love, what use are conditions?
When you are infinite and have come from janm janm, what use is time limit?
If love is not a commodity, how can you give or receive?
My sunflower, so wise
Didn’t answer a single question, didn’t tell me a single qissa
But I wanted no qissa, nor did I have any questions
I sat with my legs crossed, free, belly empty and mind full of light.

Me and music

.

I closed my eyes and I felt the warmth of the fire
I opened my eyes and the cold wind blew
Where was I?
Everytime I blinked something changed
I looked at her and we giggled
“Lets play some music!”
We fell on our backs and watched the skies turn pink
The stars vanished and a fleet of migrating birds dashed across
My fingers followed them as they flew into the pink
Becoming the sun
It was so bright I shut my eyes
I turned to her and I said,” Come! Lets fly”
She said, “No, lets float!”
The music played, the sun set and the waters turned yellow
We slowly drank the gold
Home for the night the sun slept in its translucent bed
The time was good, I closed my eyes
The music stopped, the breeze whispered
The sky was blue
We dove in
Chills ran down our spine
Breaking it bit by bit
Free in that moment
We moved like the wind
I opened my eyes
Poems in every colour and every language intertwined
It was another world down there
We drank, inhaled, lost all mind
The poetry started moving to the sounds of the sea
My fingers dancing in rhythm with hers
I lost all form
Became the light
She? Became sound
We? Became infinite.
We closed our eyes.

Me and the wind

.
Sitting in clouds of pink and yellow
We laughed so loud
Our minds spun
“Let’s make music.”
“Let me sing, you compose.”
Undoing her dreadlocks I strung the organ
She sang so deep, it almost poured
Drenched now in the elixir of the sky
We spilt all our tea
And bought infinite time
“Let’s intoxicate the whole world”
“Let’s!”
Me and you laughed
Sitting in clouds of pink and yellow
We watched the sun go
We watched the worlds spin out of orbit
We saw them see us go mad
For they heard no organ
For they heard no song

Of Peace and rest

.
I invited her for Chai
We sipped from our cups slowly
The first sip burst in our mouths with thunders of sugar and hot ginger
We instantly let out a “ahhhh”
Then I looked at her softly
She lit her cigarette and asked, “So, what’s up?”
And I said, “Not much!”
She let out a cloud of smoke and asked me about home and sickness
Of fear and security
Of faith and being a circle
Of the mountains and where I’d been
City lights and Broadway shows
I’d been silent too long
Not being able to tell
Not being able to contain or put in any shape
She held my hand and then I began to speak
The smoke and my words started flooding the room
I spoke to her about the silent mountain and the quieter trees
The winds that hummed and the rains that blessed
I spoke to her about companionship and the angels that emerged
Of dark dark shadows and unseen protection
What I saw and how I felt
“I’ve been at peace for a while, my love. Makes me feel less alive.”, I said.
I rose from her lap and looked into her eyes. “Does that make sense?”
With all her wisdom, her mouth spoke.
“Rest. Strengthen your arms. Soon, it will be time and you will have to run. You will have to soon take flight. Rest, my love. This is only the calm before the storm.”
Soon, your insides will be full of fire and your outsides will shine bright. Rest. For now. The peace will soon give way to life.

Khel

.

I looked around with closed eyes
my eyelids lucid
everything glowed
even my exit wounds and my wounded wings
I looked around and found him
And she sang from within, sitting pretty in gold
Everything was still and I was in a trance
My insides reverberated like a tabla under the fingers of a maniac
and suddenly they appeared with their organs- clarinets, ektaras, lutes and flutes
One even came with the latung
Them, with their enlightened fingers
Me, with my ready mind
I was so together, I began to dance
What could I do ?
And she sat inside me, singing.
And he sat without, outside.
“Would you like to hear a story?”, he asked
But i heard nothing
I only saw his mouth move
what was he saying ?
I heard nothing
The words that flew from his mouth flew like luminous creatures performing ceremonies in the air.
I understood every word he said
They danced and i consumed
My mind was getting full
His body transformed into the treasure tower and he rose larger, high above me.
I silently counted to 32
He sat in front of me now, like a mountain covered with luscious mushrooms
Deep yellow at the the belly and white like light towards his head
A pink halo covered the ice cap on his head
How wonderous!! Can you imagine?
What was I seeing ?
Had my eyes become thieves?
The energy was overwhelming and I was dancing
“There was a lake, up in the hills”, he proclaimed. And the story began.
“My great grandfather made it. With the thump of his elbow.
His name was Bhim. He was exiled and full of vengeance.
The lake took the shape of his elbow.
An island grew on it. Bit by bit, into a perfect circle.
Like an eye of the great Rishi Parashar.
From here he could see the sky and beyond. He would keep an eye on the universe.
His eye floated from corner of the lake to the other.
Just to make sure everything was ok, you know?”
As he spoke, his words ran and danced out of his mouth. “What a performance!”, I thought.
Was the story more magnificentor the story-teller? I wondered.
“Say more! I stared wide-eyed.”
“So… this lake that my great grandfather made”, he continued, “had a depth that was immeasurable. Anyone who dared to, wasn’t able to measure the depth. Deep inside were 4 entries and 4 exits. 8 passages into the unknown.
The lake had rules though. The exit gates made to leave and the entries only to enter. Anyone who forgot or disobeyed would pay.
A water bison tried to leave from the entry. He got stuck. His carcus clogged an exit gate. And the water levels started rising.
The equilibrium had been disturbed.
Running helter-skelter the people of the valley started running to the hills and the mountains from the fear of drowning.
Who would ever dare to dive in the infinite deep to clear the exit?
A little girl who played infinitely in the summer rain dove-in to clear it. Her name was Khel. when she arose from the lake she became a little blue bird and flew into the vast infinite skies never to return.
They say she returns once every 800 years on the first day of spring when the moon eclipses the sun. A blue creature, from fins to feathers. How magnificent!
I looked at the words dance out for so long and she sung so deep, I thought I’d lose my mind as I fell into the rabbit hole. But I didn’t. I was right there.
My mind larger than the lake now.
My skin flaking painlessly. “Was it time ?” I wondered.
“Look! The moon!”, he said.
I looked up, it indeed was!




Fly

.

Nine thoughts to a word
A thousand to act
Thought, word and action
Karma ?
The causes to the effects, made, built, destroyed
Where does it live?
In life itself
In this body they say
A mere vessel
Embodying energy
Existing, yet not.
What you do, manifests from without
And from within
The simultaneity of causality
Impossible!
Possible?
Fight
Fear
Release
Blow up
Explode
Lose all mind
Become the energy
White.
Light! Not bright, not heavy
Light!
Mount the horse
Ride way
Over the hill
Over the cliff
And then fly
The wings will grow
From your spine
Strong
Made of million feathers
They’ll carry you
They promised
Believe that they will
A million feathers will be born from the centre of your back
They will carry you to the golden field
The treasure tower
There you will find
Emptiness so delicious you will gulp
Colours so lucid your eyes will close
Sounds so deep, the little hair will rise
A million feathers will be born
From the centre of your back
The friction will cause a fire in your chest
And it will rain in your drought-struck belly
You will attempt to feel you feet
Only to realise their futility
Now that you have grown your own wings

Separation and Reunion

 

.

Me and my moon
I lay in her lap tonight
She looked at me, her eyes brimming with waters of salt
I clutched onto her silver locks and softly touched her butter cheeks
I spoke to her in our secret language so invisible, no one else could hear
I told her of the life I lived
She listened and watched my curious eyes in wonder, almost unbelieving that I was made of her
From the rim of her eyes she took some black and put a dot of the night behind my ear
“Enough to ward of the evil of a hundred lands”, she whispered sharply
With her kisses she made promises of protection and shelter
She’d embroider gardens of flowers onto blankets of love and adorn me with garlands of gold and tourmaline
I knew she’d keep her promises, she always did
I wondered what made her love me so dearly?
My wondering was enough for her to tell me, “My time with you is predestined and limited.”
She told me of a noon far far away
A noon where I’d meet my moon who’d make me a moon just like himself
That day I’d have to leave her and fly to another sky
Now I was a little sad, clutching her tighter, “I don’t want to become a new moon”, I almost cried.
She told me she’d cover me in stars, in blinding constellations and bring the treasures of the seven oceans to keep me safe for my journey into the unknown
She promised me she’ll choose my moon. And she always kept her promises.
“But you’re my moon!”
She held me in her arms knowing her time with me was predestined and sang like a koyal
Half asleep, half awake now, I dreamed of a life I left, a life I hadn’t lived and of destinies pre-decided.
My clever moon sang, sang to me
She sang to me till I was fast asleep.

Of dancing elephants in empty rooms

.

Me and the moon
Me and the moon lay side by side
I spoke to her about silence and crowds
About energies and noise
About the shell of the tortoise and the warmth of the cacoon
About music flying from cheap loudspeakers and drunken lungs
And of elephants in empty rooms, dancing to oblivion
I spoke and she listened
Sitting in the noiseful peace of the circle around us
So silver and so golden
Her wrinkled skin glowed from behind the iridescent clouds
I spoke to her about change
I told her I am not the same
I don’t dance sometimes, I am unable to make dance of the music
That I am unable to dance for them anymore
I don’t crave their praise, nor does their disappointment drown me
“I have changed, you see?”
And yet, I dance
I dance by myself
My hair flies loose, by mind levitates
I sit with the dervishes and we all dance
Our skirts swirling like orbits
Our worlds rotating on the axis of our minds
If only I could take them there
Creating halos in blue
Our eyes sparkling brighter than the diamonds they wear
“It’s true. Oh Moon, I really love to dance.”
She took my hands in hers, like she was going to take me into a swirl
Her lips parted to speak instead
“Change as they say is inevitable.
I’ve seen strong mountains crumble to rocks and men turn to monks.
Large water bodies rise, break, evaporate and fall.
Change is painful, as is grace.”
I looked into her eyes
As I closed mine
The music played ever louder
Louder than the thunder
Louder than hail
We both began to dance
Till we did not

Quarter past nine

.

I looked at the moon at quarter past nine
I looked at him for a really long time
He was full and present
I forgot I was seeking
I forgot I had questions
I forgot the unrest
They say the moon has energies that make large water bodies move
We hear that we are more water than flesh
all the theories are suddenly resting
The moon and I are in sync
Moving together
His energies and mine
Unmoving, unquestioning, resting